Fucking Wake Up!

For fucks sake Owen wake the fuck up!!!

Sorry guys and gals, with all the fucking commotion last night with my meal with Nancy I forgot to post what I had for breakfast.

So today is going to be a breakfast fucking bonanza!

First up man, is the totally awesome breakfast that I had this morning and yesterday. Both days I had perhaps my favourite fucking breakfast cereal of all old-mother-fucking-hubbered time,



FROSTIES.

They are fuckin' Grrrr-eat!

And in the words of Tony ‘the fucking’ Tiger, ‘’They are fuckin’ GGGGGGrrrrrrrrrr-eat!’’

I love them so much that I originally got a ‘corn’ tattoo on my arm. SWEET! But I felt that this does not represent my love for Frosties but rather all fucking cereals!

Corn, Sweet

So I went out and got this sweet puppy on my ass!

Grrr-fucking-eat!

Nancy and Me...

I had to take Nancy out for Sven the other night. As a favour to him.

We went to a restarurent called Jackrabbitt Slims.

Here is what happened.


Buddy
Hi I'm Buddy, what can I get'cha?
Owen
I'll have the Douglas Sirk steak.
Buddy
How d'ya want it, burnt to a crisp, or bloody as hell?
Owen
Bloody as hell. And to drink, a vanilla coke.
Buddy
How 'bout you, Peggy Sue?
Nancy
I'll have the Durwood Kirby burger -- bloody -- and a five-dollar shake.
Buddy
How d'ya want that shake, Martin and Lewis, or Amos and Andy?
Nancy
Martin and Lewis.
Owen
Did you just order a five-dollar shake?
Nancy
Sure did.
Owen
A shake? Milk and ice cream?
Nancy
Uh-huh.
Owen
It costs five dollars?
Buddy
Yep.
Owen
You don't put bourbon in it or anything?
Buddy
Nope.
Owen
Just checking.



Nancy
Don't you hate that?
Owen
What?
Nancy
Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?
Owen
I don't know.
Nancy
That's when you know you found somebody special. When you can just shit the fuck up for a minute, and comfortably share silence.
Owen
I don't think we're there yet. But don't feel bad, we just met each other.
Nancy
Well I'll tell you what, I'll go to the bathroom and powder my nose, while you sit here and think of something to say.
Owen
I'll do that.
Nancy
Did ya think of something to say?
Owen
Actually, there's something I've wanted to ask you about, but you seem like a nice person, and I didn't want to offend you.
Nancy
Oooohhhh, this doesn't sound like mindless, boring, getting-to-know- you chit-chat. This sounds like you actually have something to say
Owen
Only if you promise not to get offended.
Nancy
You can't promise something like that. I have no idea what you're gonna ask. You could ask me what you're gonna ask me, and my natural response could be to be offended. Then, through no fault of my own, I woulda broken my promise.
Owen
Then let's just forget it.
Nancy
That is an impossibility. Trying to forget anything as intriguing as this would be an exercise in futility.
Owen
Is that a fact?

Nancy nods her head: "Yes."

Nancy
Besides, it's more exciting when you don't have permission.
Owen
What do you think about what happened to Urika?


From then on the conversation sort of died, I mean I don’t know fucking why? All the guys in the restrooms, as you guys call them 'the changing rooms', are always going on about Urika, Sven and Nancy and I don’t have a clue what’s going on!

Fuck 'em.

Fucking Doupters!

http://www.teamtalk.com/football/story/0,16368,2483_1234431,00.html

That is all I have to say.

Fucking Sweet!

Oh yeah, and this is a photo of my fucking breakfast. Soooooooooooo fucking sweet.

Tactics.

Hey Dudes,

Yesterday me and my main man Sven were talking tactics. He was telling me why I am in the team and that he has not only included me for my fucking wicked translating skills alone. We talked for hours about what part I will be playing in the World fucking Cup dude.

His main point was that I am a great utility player as I can play in almost every position. Effing sweet if you ask me man.

Here are some of the formations that we came up with to really use me to my full fucking potential.



I will come on as a super fucking sub in the 70th minute and go in midfield.

I will come on as a super fucking sub in the 70th minute and go in defence.




I will come on as a super fucking sub in the 70th minute and go in attack.




I will come on as a super fucking sub in the 70th minute and go in goal.

Then we thought 'fuck-it', why not make the most of my skills as a super sub in the 70th minute and play me all over the pitch. (This is my fucking fav dude!).

These are the main four ideas we had. We also had a plan where I take over the manager role in the 70th minute.
Let me know what you think of the tactics dudes.

Go to http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/

world_cup_2006/england_selector/3914143.stm

to make up your own teams based around when I come on in the 70th minute. Sweet.

And here is what I had for breakfast....

Hash browns and eggs. Man I fucking love breakfast!

Peter Crouch = Fuckshiting Cock-shandy. FACT.

OK, so here is the fucking deal.

God I am so fucking pissed!

I was going to have some sweet fucking bagals, maybe strawberry jelly on them or blackcurrent. Bu I role out of bed this morning and my room-mate here (peter crouch) has eaten his way though my bagals. There wasan onion one, a sunflower seed one and a current one. Man I love that fucking current bagal. God Fucking Damn.

Peter is gonna get it big time in training later today. Fucking big time.

Here is the fucking left overs of my breakfast.




Peter Crouch = Fuckshiting Cock-shandy. FACT.

Dudes!

Man was it a fucking busy day yesterday. I had fucking training all day and then had to put extra training in to help with my translation duties.

Fucking crazy ass shit man!

Training was sweet though. I got to meet my main man Theo Walcott for the first time. I tell ya man, this kid is good. Fucking good. Every one goes on about his pace but we played a game of keepy-ups and my best was 7, that dude though, he just kept on going.

Me and me nu Bro Theo.

A lot of cunts are saying that he may not be ready but then a lot of cunts say i am not good enough for Ingerland, yet I have 29 caps...count em bitch, 29! That officailly means I am a better fucking player than Jamie Carragher, Andy Cole, Jermain Defoe, Dyer, John Terry, Alan Smith and Le Tissier. In fact I'm (fucking officially) at the same level as Wayne Rooney (he also has 29 caps), fucking sweet.

Another way of working out who is the best, is to divide your age by the caps you have ernt for fucking Ingerland. 29/25 = 1.16.

Lets see how that compares...

Stanley Matthews --- 54 caps / 85 years = 0.6352941 (I'm Better).

You see, this is therefore Fact! and Facts do not lie!

(In fact it means I am almost twice as fucking good!).

Anyway here is what I had for breakfast.

Sweet dude, fucking sweet.

Up Fucking Early

Woke up fucking early this morning to practice Ingerlish. My Canadian and German may be totally awesome but my Ingerlish still needs a bit of practice.

I watched the Middlesborrow game last night in the Uefa Cup final. Fucking crazy man, I was still waiting for the come back with 4 seconds to go, that would have been some made shit dude!
They did not manage to make it though and that sucks…big time! Steve Macca must be pretty fucked off right now. He is kinda my new boss so I am going to suck up to him BIG FUCKING TIME.

My new boss Steve looking pissed off.

I went to a bar last night to watch the game. It was the shit! I tell ya that you Ingerlish dudes sure know how to P.A.R.T.Y! Man, some crazy shit was going down. I ordered myself a half litre and before I knew it I had another on my table, loads of Ingerlish guys were buying me half litres to congratulate me on my selection to the World Fucking Cup. FUCKING Sweet!

They kept telling me to ‘drink up, drink up’. If I didn’t know better I would have said they were trying to get me wasted so I could not go to the world fucking cup. Crazy Bastards!

This is what I had for breakfast.

Fucking Sweet!

No Fucking Way!

Dudes! Can you fucking believe that shit! I have been selected for the England soccer team again!

Totally Awesome!

I'm as happy as fucking shit dude!



I think that I made it as the official Ingerland team translator. A lot of people may think I'm a bit shit at soccer, but I can speak four fucking languages dude; Ingerlish, German, Canadian and American and that will help, like, totally, loads in the Deutchland!

Throughout the Soccer World Cup I will be updating you with all of my inside knowledge on the Ingerland soccer team. From the on the pitch news like that fucking injury facing Wayne to the off the pitch activities.

Till next time Ingerland fans.